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entry 09/01/24

ft. compass - vibe: hopeful and accomplished, yet scared

compass
where to start with this?

i feel pretty good today! we've been pretty productive, i spent a good 5 hours just cleanin' our room and watching some youtube videos on self-improvement n' all that. i've made a plan to talk to one of our internal "coordinators" about how we might be able to bring a more positive change to our life, so i've got that goin' for me. i haven't really been thinking negatively these past few days, either, i've been makin' an effort to think about everythin' in a more positive (or at least neutral) fashion, and i feel like it's been goin' well.

i'm just.. worried it isn't gonna last. though i am one of the hosts now, i'm not the main host, dice is. 'm just worried he's gonna come back and not take to any of the change at all (he's a very anxious one), and we'll just go back to normal, this whole plan gettin' dropped in the process. my hope is that when i bring it up to.. we don't have a nickname for him here yet, so i'll just call him the coordinator for now. anyway, i'm hopin' that in bringing it up to the coordinator n' all that, since they're close, if i can't then at least he'll be able to get dice to at least try with this. i just know dice has alot less functional energy than i do at the moment, but i'm doin' my best to keep an optimistic look on this.

anyway, to keep this on a more positive note, i feel alot better right now. i might even pick my writing back up once i figure out where i wanna go with it :]

i'm alot more hopeful for what the future's got in store!!

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